Floral Arrangements

Last night, Jared and I went to meet with the florist for our wedding. Obviously, we were there to discuss what kind of floral arrangements we want for our "big day." We talked and talked and looked at picture after picture of different arrangements and individual flowers. It's a little bit crazy how many options there are. It also takes a lot of imagination to decide what you will like - especially if you haven't ever really seen half of the flowers you're considering.

What has struck me this morning, though, is the reasoning behind it. We use flowers all the time for decoration. But why? There are surely hundreds, if not thousands, of nurseries around the world that grow flowers simply for the purpose of being tossed in a bouquet. I'm thinking it's not a good use of natural resources. It is wasteful. It is a misuse of the land. Is this practice Biblical, I wonder?

I don't know. I still want flowers in my wedding. They're beautiful, and despite the fact that they've been cut down and are slowly dying, I feel like they will bring more life (and color) to the ceremony. I've discovered that flowers all have "meanings," so I now want to check on the ones we picked out. If any of them have negative meanings, I'll suggest something different.

I said that using flowers in a wedding is wasteful. But, really, something I'm struggling with throughout all this wedding planning is that the whole thing is wasteful. My parents will probably put out around $5000 for a single day. Granted, it is an important day in our lives. We do want it to be special. But is it possible to do something special without it being wasteful...?

Farmer's Market

I finally got to go to a Farmer's Market! I wound up buying a couple pounds of grass-fed beef and some tomatoes and cucumbers. It turns out, I don't like cucumbers at all. I almost made it through the sandwich I put them on, but after trying to like them for so many bites, I finally quit. So I won't be buying any more cucumbers. The tomatoes were great, even though they looked pretty rough. After you see naturally grown produce, you realize what a superficial world we live in. It's no wonder so many people worry about their appearance; even our produce has to look perfect!

And then there's the beef. It looked funny to me. It was much darker than the beef I'm used to buying (although I admittedly have not bought beef for a long time - I switched to turkey because it's more lean and less expensive). I blame it on the grass. So this must be what beef is meant to look like. It was a strange surprise. I cooked with it. I should have made burgers or something so I could tell if it really tasted different like people claim, but I made spaghetti. So I'm not sure what the difference in taste was, but I definitely noticed how much leaner the meat was. It was crazy. I didn't have to drain it at all.

I would like to buy it again and cook different ways with it. It's just that is does cost a bit more and requires a special trip to a farmer's market. Right now, I'm really trying to use up what I have at my apartment before I move out, so I don't have to move food home or throw it away. But hopefully I'll remember to buy more grass-fed beef whenever I have my own place again and spend money on groceries.

Getting Creative

In partial fulfillment of my desire to do things naturally and sustainably, I've decided to sew my wedding dress and (two) bridesmaids skirts. Yes, skirts. I don't want to out-do myself! I haven't sewn anything for a couple of years since I bought my machine. And all I made back then were two pillow cases. Of course, I'm not only hoping to be natural and sustainable by doing all of this work. I also want everything to be unique to me and I want to contribute what I have to our upcoming marriage. Right now, I have time, creativity, and (apparently) a bunch of fabric. In a way, all of this work is my offering. It's my way of showing how much I care.

I realize this post isn't very much about nature or being outside, but our whole wedding is! Making the clothes allows everything to be customizable. I'll be using a lightweight cotton, for all of them, which will make the weather a good deal more bearable than if I (and my bridesmaids) were wearing something heavy, dense, and floor-length. I'm going to do my best!

Native Plants

Walking to school today, I thought again about how strange it is that there is bamboo lining the road. I think it about it most days as I walk by, but I'm only now writing about it for some reason.

Jared and I have talked about getting some land someday when we can afford it. We both dislike fences a good deal, so we've talked about some possible plant barriers. Maybe somebody thought that bamboo would be a good idea as a "natural" fence in San Marcos. But bamboo is next to impossible to get rid of, and it's not native to the area. So knowing this, I'm hoping that we'll find a native plant that might be an effective barrier. Really, we'd prefer not to build or add anything as a barrier. Let the world be free.

It's really unfortunate that trespassing is a problem, though. If it wasn't, fences wouldn't be necessary. Property lines might be blurred. But we have such a need for possession and definition of mine versus yours. In a way, I wish that could be different, but I don't quite know what that looks like...

Pond Lining

This weekend, the guys in my family are working on my grandpa's yard. They're re-doing the ponds that PawPaw put in several years ago. Their main goal for the day was to put in a pond liner. He had drained the pond because it was growing too much algae and such. Why was there overgrowth? Because there weren't any fish in it. I don't know that he thought about that. He just thought, we need to get rid of that algae. But the algae really is part of a natural system. If he had thought to really create an ecosystem out of his ponds, it might practically take care of itself.

But instead, they put down a liner and spent the whole getting sore and sunburnt. If I understand correctly, the liner is intended to not allow the soil beneath it to produce anything that would interfere with the pond. I'm trying to figure out if that's an "ethical" thing. He is intentionally smothering the soil for aesthetic purposes. I'm not sure how the pond will stay clean, even with a liner...

The whole ordeal doesn't make much sense to me. It seems like a whole lot of work for little reason.

Gardening as Therapy

Everyone has days like today, when you feel like you're dragging your feet with every step. You don't want to do anything and life feels pointless. You just want out. You want change. You want something new. You want to be happy. And then you realize you CAN be happy. You just have to allow it.

Since I've had these tomato plants on my porch for the past week or so, I've spent a couple hours taking care of them. I now know why pesticides are so popular. It takes a great deal of attention and time to keep a plant pest-free. The nice thing is that, for me, taking care of the plants and killing every little Sucker bug that is on them is somehow therapeutic. I don't have to think about much, but I can think about anything. I am helping the plants live better, and somehow it is helping me live better.

I was able to hold a real conversation while doing it. Normally I cannot hold a conversation while I am doing anything else. But this small act of gardening is like a time of meditation. It's a time of caring for the earth and giving back and being productive.

It is bearing fruit.

Natural

It's interesting to me how many random people call Jared and I "nature people" or "outdoor people." A friend that I don't remember ever really talking to about our relationship said so, and an event coordinator recognized it, too. I'm not sure what it is they observe that leads to that conclusion, but I like it.

We want to have our wedding outdoors. Indoors would be stifling and it would not suit us. The significant points in our life have happened out of doors. We must continue in that way. It is only fitting for the start of our life together to happen in nature. After all, our relationship is very natural, too.

Finding the right place has been difficult. We want it to be simple. We want trees. We want real. No fences, no railings, no plastic. Wood and greenery and sky and water.

Life. Love.

Bluebonnets

Yesterday held another geocaching adventure for Jared and I. And what perfect weather for an afternoon outside! We went to Prospect Park this time, which is where we went on our first date.

The first cache turned out to be a birdhouse. It was so obvious that I pointed it out and continued to look for the "real" cache without actually looking in it. We spent probably 15 minutes searching the area for something else before I decided to look inside it. Ta da.

Deeper in the park, there was another cache or two. I was too distracted by mosquitoes to really keep track. I know that I found one hidden in a crazy tree. The GPS had a hard time getting us close to that one because of all the tree cover.

Then we went on to find one that was labeled "Bluebonnets" in the GPS. Usually, they have names like NG1067 or something, but this one was different for some odd reason. I kept going toward the coordinates and landed in an area full of bluebonnets. An odd place to put a cache, I thought, because the bluebonnets aren't there all year long and the only other place to hide anything would be in some of the cactus. So I was poking around trying to see if there was anything there, without success.

I came back around to a spot Jared had been looking at and found an orange matchstick container. As I opened it, I saw that there was a piece of paper tucked inside. While I pulled it out and began to unfold it, I was thinking that it might be one of those caches that's part of a chain, so it would give us clues/coordinates for the next one and the next, etc. I was wrong, but no less delighted! In the middle of unfolding the paper, Jared got down on his knee and waited for me to realize what the paper said. "Will you marry me?" he asked.

Yes! Of course! YES! I love you! We're getting married!

Getting started

Angela and I spent some time brainstorming about how we could make a presentation about gardening for the class. We decided we would buy some seeds and get them started and then share them with the class.

Our plans changed.

As we drove toward Lowe's, I noticed a "Plant Sale! Fri. 10-6" sign outside of the Agriculture building on Sessoms. In a split-second decision, we pulled in, spent $5.63, and walked out with about 15 tomato plants! They were very cheap because they needed to be repotted - they were too big for the planters they were in.

Talk about saving time for us! We didn't have to wait for them to grow. We just have to wait for them to bloom. Some have already flowered. The guy selling them told us a little about what to look out for and how to take care of the plants. We decided that we should share that information with the class. We're going to bring the plants to school and let students take them home if they want to, or it will be a donation to our community garden.

Refuge

This was a really good book. It was a quick read, in my opinion, but nonetheless profound in its sentiments. Throughout, it impressed upon me how very much Westerners struggle to let nature take its course. As with the Great Salt Lake, we try to come up with our own solutions for every 'bad' thing that comes our way. Why can't any of these natural disasters just be natural? Why must we prevent them?

The difficulty is that I haven't had personally devastating experiences related to natural disasters. Or to death, for that matter. The stigma for these two things go hand in hand. So who am I to say that we should just let it happen?

I experienced death the most closely this past Thanksgiving. In Nacogdoches, at Jared's grandparents' house, we sat and stroked Jared's dog's back for hours, while he refused to eat even his favorite food. Hershey hadn't been doing well for a while. He had collapsed upon arrival in Nacogdoches.

On Thanksgiving Day, we took him to the vet to see what was wrong with him. He would hardly move, his breathing was slow and he hadn't eaten for too long. It turned out to be a liver problem. His body was attacking itself. He wouldn't make it much longer. There were a few options. 1) Do a blood transfusion that would be expensive and dangerous for a dog Hershey's age. 2) Let this disease run its course. 3) Euthanize him.

Jared's family struggled to decide that it was best to let the pain end and euthanize him. While we waited for preparations to be made and for the doctor to return, Hershey took his final breath. With a meaningful glance and a twitch, he passed away.

I felt that it was a wonderful way to die. It wasn't necessarily easy to deal with, but the family was able to be there with him in his last moments and said their goodbyes. They didn't kill him and they didn't try to prolong his life. Nature took its course. It was a dignified way to die.

That said, I think Americans could use more exposure to natural death. I think that a lot would change if we became comfortable with our mortality and allowed ourselves and our loved ones to pass on. We are so afraid of loss that we will do anything to prevent it. But by preventing it, other problems arise such as outrageous medical bills, lack of job circulation, and everything that goes along with an ever-increasing population.

In order to accept death, we must also accept that science and technology cannot save us. We must learn to look at the long-term consequences of science and technology before we allow their innovations to reign over us.

Jared and I went out on his motorcycle again today. Despite the more windy roads on the way to Wimberley, I felt much more comfortable on this ride because had I learned that I didn't have to hang on for dear life the whole time. I got to sit back and enjoy the breeze and the view.

I was very glad that Jared had downloaded geocaches into his GPS because we didn't find the "Market Day" that we wanted to go to. And I wasn't very interested in the shops "downtown." I think this was the first time I had been geocaching outside of familiar territory (although it is in the nature of geocaching that you will leave familiarity...). By following the GPS, we found a nature preserve that we would never have seen otherwise. That was my first experience really finding a new special place while geocaching.

Of course, we didn't simply follow the path set before us. We explored around the river a little bit and went past a "Private Property" sign on the waterfront. We crossed the river and found the last cache for the day hidden amongst some large rocks that enable explorers to climb up from the river level to the street level. Unfortunately, as Jared was reaching for the cache, he stepped on a stick that turn up and poked him in the eye. It was undoubtedly unpleasant, but he recovered well and we had a nice ride home back to Kyle for some amazing Mexican food and a night off.

The Mountain

Just off of 360 in Austin, there's a place I've been going to for several years. We lovingly call it "The Mountain." It's not much of a "mountain," per se, but you do have to climb to reach the top, and my grandma sure couldn't do it.

Following Jared's curiousity, we stayed at the bottom of The Mountain and went down. It turns out there is a stream there. He walked into the tunnel beneath the road until he could no longer see. It was too bad that he didn't have a flashlight and I didn't have better shoes. He came back out and we continued following the stream.

It goes a long way in! It was narrow at many points, so we were able to cross back and forth several times. We stumbled across a "discarded object," we'll say, and laughed it off. Eventually, we came to a small waterfall. Jared got himself distracted trying to move some stuff that was blocking the flow of the water in a place where it had become stagnant. I, on the other hand, climbed some things to find a good point of observation and reflection. We live our gender roles out very well in nature, I think. He being utilitarian and I being appreciative.

We took separate paths for a while. I found the "beginning" of the stream was again coming through a tunnel system. It was a challenge to meet back up with him. There was a jungle I had to master and lots of cobweb-like things in my way. I was very itchy and sweaty by the time I found Jared again, but I was having fun.

It took us quite some time to get out of there after that. We walked up toward the top of The Mountain (much easier on this hillside than on the rocky path that we usually take) and found a fence blocking our way. Rather than backtracking, we went on until we found a way through. We took our time exploring and enjoying the view of Lake Austin and eventually headed out after creating a bouquet of flowers in my hair and tying a string around my finger.

'Twas a lovely afternoon.

Sunny Days

Yesterday was a great day! The weather has become perfect in my opinion. It's still cool and breezy but the sun is out. Flowers are in blooms and the world is just pretty now (despite the construction noises). I spent several hours outside today, mostly alone, but a little bit with friends. I laid out on the lawn near the music building and read for quite some time. I went to the Den with a friend and felt like I had to coerce him a little bit into being okay with hanging out outside. He totally thought I was weird. We almost sat down in chairs at a table but I told him I really didn't feel like sitting in a chair. I really didn't. I felt like sitting in a chair was like following rules. I wanted to feel free, and that meant not sitting in a chair. I broke the rules and sat on the part of the lawn that was roped off later on. Those little things made me feel great.

Who is it that decides what we can and can't do anyway?

Let's Go For A Ride :)

I got to go out on my very first motorcycle ride today! Jared has had a motorcycle since before we got together, and I have been curious (although admittedly somewhat afraid) to ride it for quite some time. He bought me a good bike jacket for my birthday and I bought good gloves with some money I got for my birthday. And I wore my snowboarding helmet instead of spending $250 for a motorcycle helmet. After all, a helmet doesn't really serve any use until you need it -- so I was hoping I wouldn't need it today :P

We rode from my parents' house in Kyle to meet them for lunch in Austin. The experience was incredible. I never realized how differently you see things when you get out of the car. You become much more observant of the world when you are exposed to it. I saw beautiful creeks and animals and houses that I had never noticed before. And we were on a road that I've driven at least a hundred times before.

As I rode, I was thinking about how much more I was experiencing the world. I imagine the same goes for people who bicycle. I thought to myself that I might like to get a motorcycle someday both for the economy of it and for the fun. I've wanted to take up bicycling because it seems like a fun and healthy thing to do, but I haven't been in the right place to do it or had the time to train for it. Motorcycling would probably be the same way for me, but we'll see. I'll probably be happy just riding with Jared whenever I get the chance :)

Bobcat Build

This was my first year to work at Bobcat Build and I am so glad I finally got to participate! I might even sneak in and volunteer somewhere if I know when it is next year! It was a lot of fun. I had known about Ringtail Ridge for a while, but hadn't ever visited. The dirt road in was a little rough and so was parking, but well-paved roads aren't really what you're after when you're getting into nature. I was kind of annoyed to be waiting around for instruction for so long with all the tools sitting there. There was obviously work to be done. Once we got started, I joined the group that was taking logs to the back of the trail as part of the efforts to fix the runoff problem (where they later dug a ditch). I made a couple of round trips with Elizabeth and then I was done with that.

My main task for the day wound up being to pull weeds, as seen in the picture. Probably 90% of that gravelly area in the picture was overgrown with weeds. I felt like it was kind of a lame job to have to do, but once we started making progress, I realized how much pulling the weeds changed the whole appearance of the beginning of the trail. The sad part is that it won't stay that way forever. But I hope that I will return to that park and be able to tell someone, "Look - this was my doing - the trial is clear and the bench is accessible!" It gave the park a nice face lift. It was such an unusual but fun activity that I thought to myself that I might wind up pulling weeds at any place I find myself that needs some cosmetic help. It was nice to get to chat with Susan about some things. From life goals to roly polies, nothing is off limits when you're pulling weeds.

Let's Move!

In light of today's class discussion ignited by The Omnivore's Dilemma, I found this recent news quite pertinent. Michelle Obama launched a program in February to "reshape childhood eating and exercise habits" within one generation called "Let's Move."

We know that obesity in America is a big problem. We now know that politics are strongly wound up in our food choices. We know that things should change in the way of food production. We tend to overlook the fact that food is produced the way it is in order to suit our American lifestyle.

In the same way that most people don't consider lifestyle modifications when they are diagnosed with heart disease (they would rather just be medicated), people don't think to modify their lives to fight obesity. But Michelle Obama did, and she is planning to get into the school system to make some changes. Now, I don't know all the details of the program, but it sounds like a good idea to me. I believe that nutritional education is a key factor in changing the way America eats.

But it's not only in nutritional knowledge; it's in the lifestyle. We need to get moving. We need to use the calories we consume. We need to get outside. P.E. itself is not the solution. Unfortunately, it sounds like that's where Mrs. Obama is aiming, much like the P.E. programs I suffered through in elementary school. The incentive of the "Presidential Award" for push-ups or whatever was less than inspiring. It did not make me want to keep that way of life.

I hope that schools will provide healthier options to children, with proper portions, more fruits and vegetables and less added salt and sugar. I hope that families will take these ideas into consideration for themselves as well, and not just think that everything's fine since the kids are eating better at school. I hope that real, fun activities will become integral to education and that children will want to get outside and do things. I hope that this small task force can make a difference.

But ultimately, I believe it is up to each individual to make these choices. Education and awareness are only the first steps to changing a whole (huge and convoluted) system.

Junk

On this family vacation, my eating habits totally changed. I wasn't feeding myself anymore; I was eating whatever I was given. I had doughnuts, pop tarts, and muffins for a single breakfast. A turkey sandwich followed by one slice of a PB&J and chips for lunch. Then Panda Express for dinner. And I wasn't really that hungry when I ate any of it. I just ate it because I felt compelled to. I was snowboarding, so I knew I was spending energy for that and I needed calories for it. I ate immoderately because of it.

After several days of similar eating behavior, I felt pretty rotten. I'd rather not describe my literal sensations in my digestive tract, so suffice it to say it was unpleasant. I need fiber. I need fruit and vegetables. The only fruit I had all week was three "Cutie" oranges one morning. I need more water. It is taking some time to get my system back into shape. I need to remind myself not to eat like that so consistently. It turns out badly.

On the road again

How many hours did we spend on the road over the past week? Three vehicles for thirteen travelers. Is that reasonable? We drove all the way to Santa Fe and back. Is that reasonable? Is it efficient? It's hard to say. It's about 1500 miles round trip. That's 4500 miles total. How badly did we effect emissions? I have no idea. What about monetary costs? I didn't pay for it, so it was good for me. But in my dad's 40-gallon Suburban tank, it cost nearly $100 for each tank. I think it took about three full tanks to make the trip.

That doesn't include driving up and down the mountain every day for snowboarding. We weren't the only ones that made that drive, either. On a good day, it takes at least 45 minutes to make the drive one way. These were bad days. The weather was questionable at times and too many people didn't know how to drive on ice (I would have been one of them if I had been driving). Hundreds of vehicles made (make) that drive every day.

Not only is it physically dangerous on icy/snowy days like the days we were there, but I imagine it is more environmentally dangerous than we realize. The hours it took us to drive down the mountain in traffic were filled with bad exhaust and oil consumption. I find it ridiculous. We, as snowboarders and skiiers, and the environment around us would be much better off if we weren't making that drive twice every day we want to participate in that type of recreation.

Now, is having lodges at the ski basin a solution to this issue of safety and car emissions? I'm not sure. Other environmental concerns come into play when you talk about building lodges and keeping people up there, who will have do everything they usually do. Everyday activities can surely be destructive to the environment as well. My only other thought was to have a lift that runs all the way from the bottom of the mountain up to the top or to have a carpooling system to save on all the cars driving up and down the mountain every day.

Mountains

Every Spring Break, my family takes a ski/snowboarding trip. We've done this for at least five years now. Getting into the mountains is always eventful. One time we nearly ran into the guard rail and could have died. This time, apparently everyone else was having trouble driving. Every trip up or down the mountain (we made the round trip for four days) was horrendous.

Cars slipped all over the ice and sat bumper-to-bumper along the fifteen-mile road to the top. I thought about the nature of what we were doing. Not only was it dangerous for all of us to be making that drive, but we were all polluting so much! We were on that road for two hours one way.

On the last trip up the mountain, we were at a complete stop for so long that Jared and I went for a walk. We passed about fifty cars on foot. It was so nice to get out and do that, too. A while later, my cousin, Drew, and I got out of the car again to check out an ice skating pond. It was so covered by snow that we couldn't tell where it actually was. We played it smart and didn't try to walk on it. Nobody needs to catch hypothermia!

In doing those small excursions from the long ride up, I realized a small piece of how much we miss by driving past it all. There is life in every piece of that mountain. In the future, I want to spend more time enjoying the life in that special environment than spending huge loads of money for the industrialized tourist attraction that is skiing/snowboarding.

Snowflakes

It doesn't snow very often, but whenever it does my first thought is of how beautiful it is. What amazes me about snowflakes is that each one is different. I love when they land and I can actually look at their individual shapes. The composition of a snowflake is so miraculous. It reminds me of the scripture that says

Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! (Luke 12:24)

God is good.

Food, Inc.

Last semester I took an Honors course called The Science and Politics of the Human Diet. It turned out to be a full-on Nutrition course. We read The Omnivore's Dilemma as a part of that class, because of which my interest in food/marketing has been piqued. A few weeks back I caught a going out of business sale at Hollywood Video and purchased Food, Inc. My roommate and I made a date to watch it today.

For the most part, I felt like it was a review of Michael Pollan's book. I enjoyed the book, but now that I've seen this film, I feel like what I read was kind of a waste of time. But we all know that books carry a lot more detail than films, so hopefully it was worth it. It just so happened that the movie said everything I already knew.

Except for the stuff about intellectual property and patented soybean genes. That part was really boring to me and I didn't understand it very much. It would have been more interesting to just make a full film out of The Omnivore's Dilemma.

I'm glad I watched it and I think the suggestions for taking action that the end of the movie were very valuable. It's good to see that there are ways we can try to change the system just by making different purchases. We don't have to get into all the mess of politics in order to make a difference.

San Antonio Botanical Gardens

Today, my boyfriend took me to the Botanical Gardens in San Antonio. The weather turned out to be perfect for such an activity, even though it started off gray and gloomy. I wanted to go there because Elizabeth had mentioned the carnivorous plants they have there, but we didn't see them.

We went through the garden for the blind and the Japanese gardens first. The garden for the blind was really interesting and had lots of familiar plants labeled. I'd love to be able to recognize some of them if I ever encountered them. The Japanese garden was incredibly peaceful. I'd love to have one of my own someday, just as a silent retreat.

A large portion of the "gardens" was a conservatory. They had plants that belong in various environmental settings in their own little greenhouses. I much prefer the naturalness of the outdoor gardens.

We went on and soon came to the vegetable garden (probably a lot like the San Marcos Community Garden) with rows and rows of different plants. I want to have a small garden of my own someday with carrots, onions, tomatoes, cabbage, and maybe a few herbs, too. Apparently herbs are very easy to grow. I'll have a lot to learn no matter what I try to grow!

Altogether, the San Antonio Botanical Gardens were beautiful and a pleasant retreat from the city life. Hopefully if we go back again, the plants will actually be in bloom!

Free Food!

It's a funny thing. The day after we watched DIVE!, I was walking through the Quad and received a free loaf of bread. I could have taken more than one loaf if I wanted, but one was enough for me. The people providing (although they didn't really try to explain what they were doing when I tried to ask) had obviously collected everything the grocery store would give them for the purpose of sharing it with campus students. They wouldn't give them anything but bread, as the makers of DIVE! had mentioned.

This whole thing made me think about how I've been eating for the past six months or so. I haven't gone to the grocery store in almost a month, and I've been able to do that pretty frequently. The only thing I was lacking this week was bread, so despite the fact that the expiration date on this loaf is three days from now, I can use it until it goes bad and it will get me through this week.

I realized that the meal I had been eating throughout the week was made of things I didn't buy. It was made of rice that was left by the previous tenant, sausage my parents gave me, and cauliflower that I got from the a Baptist church's leftovers from a reception. Even the cookware was given to me.

Almost everything I have has been provided for by someone else. That is a miracle if I have ever experienced one.

Dive!

That movie in class today was really interesting! I've always been very conscious of using my personal resources and groceries and not worried to much about the printed expiration dates. I've thought about excess waste from restaurants, too. But I had never even considered how much food is thrown away at grocery stores every day!

One thought I had before the movie got too far underway was that if the dumpster divers were collecting more food than they knew what to do with, why weren't they providing for the poor and homeless? Why weren't they providing for people who really needed food? They could easily make a lifestyle out of sharing the food they dive for. They don't have to go through a food bank with all of their legal trappings. Like a classmate said, they should be covered by the Good Samaritan Act.

Another thing I shortly began to wonder is if it is better for a person to go hungry or to eat food that is spoiled or is in some other way expired? Is it better to suffer from malnutrition and starve or to get calories and become ill? The benefit to eating this dumpster food is that the likelihood that it will actually cause some sickness doesn't seem to be very high if you choose wisely and prepare foods properly. But by not eating, there is not even a possible benefit. Therefore, I would think that eating dumpster food is a good risk to take.

Dumpster diving could quickly become a hobby for lots of people. What if there was a "dumpster-diving movement"? People would stop paying for groceries. More food would "spoil" on the shelves. More food would have to be thrown out. Food could ultimately become a trade-based commodity. I wonder if dumpster-diving is a way to fix all of the problems this country has because of the disaster that is the food industry? Food for thought...

Quartz Mountain

This past week was a choir tour to Denver, Colorado and Granite (nowhere), Oklahoma. We spent somewhere around forty hours riding a bus and a significant amount of time rehearsing. On the fourth day of our trip, I was beyond ready to have some free time and do something that wasn't on a bus or in a hotel or restaurant. Thankfully, we had just arrived at a resort called Quartz Mountain in Oklahoma.

Now I know what you must be thinking. . . "A resort in Oklahoma? How can this be?" Believe it. And the resort had a fancy schmancy performance hall for us to sing in, too! But that wasn't even the best part. The best part was the environment around us.

The first and only thing I wanted to do after I got my things to my room was go explore. Unfortunately, we were immediately called for rehearsal. People were on edge during that rehearsal, including myself, because it took so much longer than it should of and we were ready to be set free.

Finally, I had two hours to play! My friend, Erin, and I set out for the mountain. Our percussionist friends were standing at the top, so we knew it was possible despite the fact that there was not a trail to be seen. As we stood at the base of the mountain, the only things in front of us were huge rocks and cactus. We were ready for the challenge.

Hoping we weren't crazy, we set off on our [lack of] path. There were times we thought we wouldn't make it, but one of us always found a way. The percussion guys started down while we were still on our way up, and we had one of them stay with us just for a little extra security. We made it to the top with little trouble. The feeling of accomplishment was indescribable.

It didn't end when we reached the top, though. We ran into friends and they immediately proclaimed the glory of the "Zen Rock" and insisted that we go sit on it. It looked incredibly precarious from where I was standing.

So, of course, I went for it. I had a little help getting on and off (because it really was quite precariously situation). But what a thrill! I felt like I could see all of creation in that moment. It was as if the entire natural world was at my fingertips. I took a moment to sit there and thank God for the beauty of his creation.


And it was downhill from there. Not really. . . But going down a mountain is much more difficult than going up it. It's a lot harder to hold on. The bottom line is... I'm still sore three days later.

Unnatural Nature

Ever notice how flowers are more of a symbol than a being? We actually have a tendency to take natural things out of their environment and make cute pillows out of them. Like the one under my head right now. We do so many things with flowers. We make desktop photos of them with smiling faces. We print them all over our bedsheets and curtains. We cut them down and sell them in stores. We buy fake ones and set them out on our tables or pin them in our hair.

Isn't this somehow unethical? Maybe it's just the ridiculousness of it all that strikes me so much. I think it is rare that any of us see living versions of these flowers that we so frequently encounter is false forms. Do we even really appreciate them? There is something inside of us that is attracted to flowers. To their shape, their feel, their smell, their colors. Flowers are very sensual to us. But we transform them so much that the very things we appreciate with our senses are gone.

Recently, I have wanted to start a garden and grow vegetables, but maybe I should consider growing flowers just for the beauty they bring. Sure, it's important to do functional things, but there is also a time to simply do something for the joy it brings. That's a lesson I've recently been learning in life. I need to take time off from all my daily "to do's" and do things just because I enjoy them. *Note to self*

Inescapable Sound

With all the stress I've felt the pressure of lately, I tried to stop worrying about it for a few hours this afternoon in between commitments. I laid down on my bed and tried to calm down. Fail. The washer and dryer are too loud. I put in earplugs. Lovely. Then the earplugs started to get uncomfortable. Shoot.

I decided to go out onto my porch. Sounds like a wonderful solution, right? I wanted to hear the sounds of the wind in the trees, birds singing, and nothing else. All I could hear was traffic. It was horrible. At least the sounds were constant enough that it still kind of put me into a daze. But it was so disappointing.

Where can you go to escape all the noise??

Immortality

Every now and then (especially in this honors class), I think about humanity and this infinite search we seem to have for immortality. I don't think that I personally seek immortality, but that we as a collective being all hope never to die. I think it's messing up the world. We aren't meant to live forever. We have to realize that death is real. And it is only by death that we truly come to value life.

What happens when we try to live forever? People are miserable. People are kept on life support, despite any ability to ever come back and live fully. The average age on the planet rises. Retirement gets set back. Jobs don't open up. The economy is a wreck. Houses are foreclosed on. Everyone's in debt. Companies go bankrupt. Cities become overcrowded. The world becomes overcrowded. Food production has to keep up with the population's needs. Organisms have to be genetically modified to meet our changing needs. We try to make them immortal too. Other organisms grow stronger. Horrible outbreaks of disease occur. We have to invent a vaccine or antidote. The virus re-invents itself. Every thing we create causes another problem. People, plants, and animals all die.

We can't control it, but we sure keep trying to. When will the world ever realize that life is cyclical? Nothing can just keep going forever. There must be an end, because all things have come from something else's end. We wouldn't be alive if it weren't for the plants and animals that die for us every day. Those would not be alive if it weren't for the organisms that died for them. Even molecules go through cycles. Nothing stays the same.

Except for God. He and He alone is the exception to this whole ordeal. He never changes. He has no beginning and no end. But the same statement is true:

We could not be alive today if He hadn't died for us.

His death was the greatest death. A death to end all deaths, because He conquered it. He is alive today, and it is through Him that I live and that others live.

...let me not forget...

Ecology of a Cracker Childhood

I pushed myself pretty hard to finish this book early. For most of the book, I was honestly kind of grudging the fact that I had to read it because I had so many other things to do, but eventually I grew to enjoy it.

I don't think it called for as much response as the last book we read, which made class discussions somewhat uninteresting. The writing style reminded me of The Grapes of Wrath in the way she alternates chapters of things that happened in her life with environmental concerns. Janisse Ray is right, nobody would ever read a book about pine trees. But as I finished, I became amazed at how much life (how many species) is (are) effected by the decline in longleaf pine populations. Through the experiences she described, even though I have no experience with the species she described, I became fascinated with them and wanted the best for them. I don't want them to go extinct just because humans have become selfish in their lust for the land.

In general, it makes me sad when I see a beautiful area be torn up and a shopping mall or neighborhood go in. I often ask myself: Is there any land in this state that nobody owns? Ownership is such a big deal here. I wish I had a place that I could call mine. Not by money but by experience. I want to not be run off the property when I find something beautiful and special. Why is no land free in this, the Land of the Free?

Recess Restrictions

A while back, we talked about the crazy things that are going on at schools these days. They're not allowed to play Red Rover anymore. No more Dodgeball. No more Tag. No more running. Are you kidding me?

It is absurd that these are the things that parents fight for. "My poor Jonny got hurt. Boys should be playing such rough games." Wah. Maybe Jonny should learn to toughen up. And there's so much whining and complaining about obesity being a bigger and bigger problem (literally?). Same with AD(H)D. Why don't we let them do fun things? Aren't those of us who played those games somehow better off for it?

Actually, I have to take that back. I wasn't one of those kids who played those games. I did every now and then, but mostly I got hurt. So I was the kid who got fat, too. Third grade I was a cute normal little girl. Come fourth and fifth grade, I was a balloon. What happened? I stopped playing on the playground.

Problems aren't solved by telling kids they're not allowed to do things. Kids are just going to find other ways to get hurt that aren't against the rules. It just happens. Let them play. Let Jonny get hurt. Let little Susie get hurt too. They'll learn not to play with kids who are bigger or meaner than them.

Kids learn by experience. Let them!

Geocaching

For several years, I had been curious about geocaching. I can't remember when I first came across the term, but I always thought it was a really awesome idea: little boxes and things being hidden in the wilderness for others to find simply based on GPS coordinates. It wasn't until this past year that I actually found one.

At Enchanted Rock, I stumbled upon an ammo box with my friend Dan. We were confused by its presence in the obscure place we were in, and found out that it was a geocache. A few months after that coincidence, I was talking to a new friend (who is now my boyfriend) and one of us mentioned geocaching. Basically, that was the deal-maker. ;-) He was totally impressed by the simple fact that I knew what a geocache was.

I wonder how many people I know have even heard of such a thing. I swear I read about it in some random magazine or on the internet somewhere a long time ago and haven't ever forgotten about. We haven't talked about it in class, but I'm curious to find out. It seems that anytime either of us mentions it, we have to explain what we're talking about. It's fun to realize that we have a special hobby, but it also gets a little old having to explain.

Walking around the other day, I started to consider the ethics of geocaching. I haven't come to any conclusion yet. Is it 'ethical' to plant a man-made thing in wild places with the intent of other men finding it with the help of satellites and an electronic tool (GPS)? How much do we really experience nature when we go out looking for these objects? Does this hobby encourage a connection to the wild or is it a cleverly disguised disconnect from the natural world?

It is simply a modern-day treasure hunt, where you don't really get any prize for finding the treasure. And there are plenty of them right in your own neighborhood. I think it's a lot of fun. I feel accomplished when I find one. But maybe that's just me. I've always enjoyed 'seek and find' type games like Where's Waldo and word searches. In a sense, geocaching is just a tangible version of those things on a global scale. The possibilities are practically endless.

Medicating Childhood

To be forward, I am not a fan of medicating for any reason. I believe that changes of lifestyle can really affect health conditions. And I don't think I say that out of ignorance, but actually out of my own experience. And my own fears of being constantly medicated. Doctors are far too prepared to write prescriptions.

I found out that I have Cluster Headaches shortly after I finished high school. A couple of different doctors had misdiagnosed me, just saying I had migraines and giving me a medicine to turn off my pain sensors. I saw a chiropractor because I was referred, and although it was nice to get a professional massage every week or so, it didn't really help my headaches or relieve my tension overall. The chiropractor told me to keep a dietary record to see if there might be food allergies triggering my headaches, but try as I might, I couldn't find any links.

Eventually I went back to the doctor because I was having headaches so often, and this time he gave me a daily "anti-seizure" medication. I thought this was far too dramatic. I took it for a while but felt uncomfortable. How would I ever know if it was doing any good? So what if I didn't get a headache that day; it wouldn't necessarily be because of the medication.

So I went back and explained. This time I came out with a pain killer and muscle relaxer. It had addictive medication in it. I avoided taking it unless I was miserable. Sometimes I used it when I shouldn't have, though, like when I didn't want to get sore standing all night at an outdoor show. Not good.

I noticed more strange characteristics of my headaches and pretty much did a self-diagnosis. Every day at about 11AM, always on the right side, with a red, watery eye, a runny right nostril, and tremendous pain. That's how I knew they were cluster headaches.

I tried not to take medicine unless it really got bad, which was not always a good idea because I dealt with a lot more pain than I needed to, but I am glad I haven't constantly medicated myself. Instead, I tried to regulate my sleep and eating patterns. I drink more water. These things have helped but haven't necessarily stop them. Even so, when they happen, those are the first three things I try to do before I take anything for them.

Children these days get medicated for having too much energy. Why don't we let them play outside instead of saying they have a disease? They are just kids. If they take it every day, how will we ever know if they grow out of the hyperactivity? We keep them cooped up in school and in books all day, but that's not how life was meant to be lived. There is no vitality in that. They need to get out and spread their wings.

And what about depression? I don't doubt that these medications are effective, but at what point does a person decide to stop taking anti-depressants? A more effective choice would probably be for those people to go to counseling, to actually understand what's going on mentally and emotionally, and then use that understanding to create real change. What's the good in medicating depression? Shouldn't people learn to deal with problems instead of chemically altering themselves?

Last semester, I even learned that there are cases of people recovering from cancer just by changing their diets. That is miraculous. It is my understanding that a healthy diet might do this because it is functioning with proper amounts of the vitamins and minerals involved in cell replication. You are what you eat. Elements of the foods you eat get into your cells and become your cells, to an extent. Your body can potentially recover from cancer by simply enabling it to be healthy, rather than by causing its cells to be destroyed.

We are exposed to millions of chemicals on a daily basis and only a portion of those were ever intended to go into our bodies. Why it is so popular to pop pills to "fix" a problem, I may never understand. Then again, there are health issues way beyond me as well, so I may be totally off the track...

The Problem of the Television

I grew up watching TV all the time. No, wait. That's not quite true. In later elementary and middle school, after I stopped playing with my neighbors, I watched TV a lot. I came home from school and turned on the television while I had a "snack." These snacks often consisted of the majority of a package of Pringles, EasyMac, or a whole can of corn loaded with butter. Those were my favorites.

Besides that, there wasn't really anything wrong with what I was doing. I watched The Brady Bunch for hours. Boy Meets World. Sister, Sister. Family Matters. Step by Step. Fresh Prince. Home Improvement. Things of that sort. Those are good shows! But I also watched soap operas. All My Children and One Life to Live, to be exact. That's another two hours a day (minus commercials, because I could fast-forward). Did I ever do anything else? I really don't know.

I hardly spent time with friends outside of school. My best friend next door moved away in second grade and a little boy moved in next door. My neighbor down the street went to a different school and we lost touch. Other kids got too old. Other neighbors moved in and we spent time together for a while, but then I got too old and "mature" for them, too. So I spent my time inside. Watching TV. Except for when I went to Girl Scouts. Which is probably how the other side of me that enjoys adventure and creativity got nourished. I didn't do those things alone.

Even at dinner, the TV was always on. Dinner at home wasn't the family time it should have been. It was time to watch TV shows. And for my parents, it still is. I don't know them as well as I could and I blame that on TV, to an extent.

The problem is, I like TV. There are some shows I can watch all day long, like America's Next Top Model (confession!). But there came a time when I realized the detriment TV was to me and my relationships. It's just too easy to get wrapped up in the false reality that resides in a little (or big) box of electricity. Aren't there better ways to spend time?

I noticed in high school after I developed a group of "close" friends, that all we seemed to do together was watch Family Guy. And most of what was said somehow quoted Family Guy. Or GI-Joe and other internet shorts. They weren't relationships. I didn't know anything about those people. I quit that. I wanted real life to be real.

Sadly, the way those high school friends of mine are is the way everyone is. That's normal. When I spend time with my fraternity, people say things all the time that are quotes from some show or movie or internet clip I've never seen or heard of. Who the heck is Charlie the Unicorn? I feel left out, but is it really so bad?

And then there are things I pick up on like the accent from Borat. I never knew it was associated with that movie. People just started talking that way and I thought it was funny. I was able to do it too, so sometimes I do. And it's fun.

There are just so many better ways to spend time than staring at a screen. I find myself incredibly busy, and simply cannot comprehend how people have the free time to devote to YouTube and Lost and Anchorman. I wonder if they feel like they're missing out on anything by putting so much into these fictional things?

The only thing I realize I miss out on because I don't pay attention to media is world news. I'm trying to become more aware of that by checking websites for news when I think to. It's not entirely healthy to live in isolation. But I don't intend to change my choice not to watch TV much, if at all. I would very much rather spend my time accomplishing things or getting to know someone better, actually sharing life with them. I just have to learn to be more creative with getting-to-know-you activities. Cutting out TV causes you to have to be more creative with your life.

Nature: An Inalienable Right

A Walk in the Woods | Orion Magazine

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In Richard Louv’s article, “A Walk in the Woods,” (Orion Magazine, March/April 2009) he discusses some public and private opinions on children’s “right to a walk in the woods.” Knowing the article comes from Orion Magazine, it is easy to assume that Louv would strongly advocate the benefits of nature and each person’s individual right to experience it; in this way, the article holds no surprises. On the other hand, Louv gives several examples to support his opinions that are rather unexpected.

He begins with a reference to a “little girl in Raytown” whose favorite tree was one day cut down. Louv quotes her as saying that she felt “like they cut down part of me.” This was his first way of showing the importance of nature to a young person, and supporting the idea “that human beings are hard-wired to get their hands wet and their feet muddy in the natural world”: E. O. Wilson’s hypothesis of biophilia, that a connection with nature is part of a person’s essential self. I found this idea striking, having just returned from a surprisingly muddy walk in the woods. I felt myself freed from my usual sense of having to do things right and needing to stay neat and clean. I got myself into mud without realizing it and kept forging ahead, looking for a way out. As I continued, the prospects of finding dry land became ever more dim. My destination was approaching and I decided to embrace my mistake. Why turn back when I could just get over myself and enjoy the situation? A little mud never hurt anybody. In fact, it was a lot of fun. Was the mud really an “essential part” of myself, though? I can’t quite attest to that.

What I can confirm is what happened before going on the walk. I wasn’t alone; I was with my boyfriend Jared and my two cousins ages four and seven. Louv refers to some personal research at his former elementary school where he learned that the children “preferred playing video games” to nature. “They favored indoor activities—and when they were outside, they played soccer or some other adult-organized sport,” he elaborates. I personally experienced this sad reality. It was next to impossible to pull my cousin Jaxon away from his personal video game. I’m not sure what convinced him that it would be fun to come explore with us besides the fact that we had somehow convinced his younger brother, despite his worries. “But there are bears in the woods!” little Spencer exclaimed. “But it’s dark in the woods!” he contested. In a brief conversation with his mother, I discovered (as I suspected) that she had used these things to convince him that the woods are scary and not safe—but she didn’t discourage it if an adult was involved. Somehow, he got over those irrational fears.

These kids needed to spend some time outside. As much as Spencer complained about being tired and asked us to wait for him, I think he enjoyed it. (He was just walking through really tall grass, which takes a lot of extra work for someone three feet tall.) The few instances of either of them pretending a stick was a gun or the mud was lava didn’t last long, though. If I followed along with their pretend, they had to inform me that, “Alyssa… it’s not a real gun—It’s just a stick.” The reality of the lack of exposure kids have to nature these days is just depressing.

There are other reasons that nature is important to one’s well-being besides exercising the imagination. We have heard several of these reasons, including the “strong correlations between experience in the natural world and children’s ability to learn, along with their physical and emotional health. Stress levels, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, cognitive functioning—and more—are positively affected by time spent in nature.” Louv refers to Howard Frumkin, director of the National Center for Environmental Health at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, who suggests that nature “can be seen as a powerful form of preventative medicine.”

The rest of Louv’s article was more philosophically-grounded, while at the same time addressing semi-political issues. He refers to this issue as a movement. People claim rights to so many things. Louv wonders, should we really try to push the right to the woods? The continued building, growth, and existence of neighborhoods that restrict their residents’ outdoor activities is a violation of constitutional rights. And as Louv suggests, is the right to access nature not, in its essence, included in our inalienable rights of Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness? He urges readers to take steps and make choices to “ensure that children in every kind of neighborhood have everyday access to natural spaces, places, and experiences.” We are responsible for the future of this movement. Alongside a “strongly articulated moral principle,” a movement can be successful. The principle behind the right to access nature is incredibly clear and frankly, ridiculous to try to contest. We must make these principles known.

Independence Day

Speaking of "rites of passage," I believe I experienced one this past summer on Independence Day. Now I know what that word means.

Jared and I set out to the Barton Creek area to go for a hike before the heat of the day. He had never been in the area, but had seen it on some drives up Mopac. I have had some great experiences down there around Twin Falls before, so I was really excited to get to take him down there, too.

My goal wound up being to find Campbell's Hole. I spotted it on the map at the trailhead, and although I realized we started farther away than necessary, I figured the extra distance wouldn't kill us. It was a fun hike over brush and rocks in the dry creek. Only ever once in a while did we run into anyone else. We kept going that direction, and spotted a group of climbers. After passing a couple others and seeing no sign of Campbell's Hole, I asked a passerby if he knew where it was from where we were. Just up ahead, not too far.

Well, we walked and walked and it wasn't looking promising. There were a couple signs that appeared but they didn't make sense. Eventually I got tired of trying to find this elusive locale and led us up some slope that seemed to just head into the trees. All I was searching for was a good view of the area, anyway. Head into trees, it did. And not much else.

The ground was chalky and rocky on the way up and didn't get any better. There was hardly even a place to sit down. Jared did not approve of my choice. I had landed us in a predicament. The trip down that slope looked incredibly dangerous. We had two choices: either risk slipping on the slope and falling a long way, or find a way to get on top of the overhang above us.

After a good deal of consideration and concern, I felt better about climbing up than sliding down. (Ever notice how it's easier/safer/more comfortable to hike up a steep hill than down it?) I had gotten up into a small tree sticking out of the rocky wall and saw some possibilities. The next question was Do you want to go first, or do you want me to go first? Well, I don't want you to make it and then be stuck here if I can't. I'll go first. I grabbed hold of the rock. I kept second-guessing myself, though. I'm so small, so weak... can I really overcome this? Jared kept telling me to stop thinking about it and just DO it!

I was terrified. He was giving me a hard time and not encouraging me. I needed to feel safe. After a brief discussion, his approach changed. See that crack over there? Grab it with your left hand. Sometimes I didn't believe I could reach. Sometimes I felt like I didn't have the strength. But then sometimes I just had to stand.

There is security in stability. A couple of times I had to stay in one place for a while just to regain my composure. Some positions don't take as much energy to hold on to the rock face. The angles were difficult and the positions were awkward. With Jared's encouragement, I was able to find more courage with every successful move. I kept moving closer and closer to the top. What struck fear in me was knowing that he was not below me and couldn't be. I had two choices: another move up, or all the way down... to the ground, at least a hundred feet below.

Suddenly, I saw leaves and grass gathered in a crevice. I'm almost there! With a final burst of confidence, I pulled myself up by tree limbs and pushed myself up from rocky corners.

I felt like I could do anything.

Of course, in being the first to go, I left Jared down below. I could do nothing for him if he struggled. I was able to give him a few tips, but mostly, he had to do it himself. Not too long passed before we were together again, in some foreign woods. We had a new bond, I believe, because of this monster we had just defeated. The feeling of accomplishment that comes from overcoming something like that is inexplicable. You only have one chance to really conquer your first rock wall.

Navigating

There was so much to say in class today! In particular, on the topic of maps, I am proud to say that I am very good with maps. When I am familiar with the territory, I am also good without maps. Familiarity, however, comes with time and experience.

As I recall my arrival in St. John's, Newfoundland, I remember not knowing how any of the places we first went were spatially related, even though I had looked at maps before I went. The college campus didn't make sense. I couldn't figure out which doors went where. It was not until I walked the routes a couple of times with more observation that I began to figure out relationships I could remember, and I would still remember how to get around if I went back today. It has been nearly two years since I was there.

Only a few days after our arrival, I went with my fellow missionaries to the Confederate Building for Canada Day festivities. We met up with a couple of friends there and for one reason or another decided to walk to the bay (which is really a small inlet of the Atlantic Ocean). We could see it from where we were standing, on a hill at least a mile away. I can still envision the distance. I can still smell the air. I can still see Signal Hill.

We walked straight away, through the field, across a major street, through another field until we found residential streets. We seemed to be following a stream that kept appearing every so often. I was entranced by the plant life simply along the residential streets. Our path was not planned, but we were guaranteed to arrive downtown if we simply continued to head eastward. It was a bit nerve-racking and tiring, but so worth it for the experience of blazing a trail. I felt confident and safe doing it even though I knew I was completely vulnerable.

I had similar experiences during my study abroad trip in Germany. My host pointed out various landmarks to me and tried to orient me on the way back from the airport, but all to no avail. I was completely disoriented, yet again. I followed Tini to campus the first couple of days, taking the bus route she told me to. I remember that I followed her home through many tiny alleys and short-cuts, but how it all worked out was beyond me! Eventually, we turned the corner where she had parked her car the day before and I finally knew where I was.

I took the bus again. I still didn't quite gather what was where. We rode the U-Bahn (subway) into the center of town and then off toward a friend's house. I had no idea where I was in relation to campus or to my apartment for the month. After a party that evening, Tini continued to try to help orient me. We walked in the dark around this corner and that and never went the direction I expected. I obviously still didn't know where I was.

It took me much longer than I had anticipated to figure out it. A lot of that probably had to do with a lack of sleep, too, though. It was when I started putting together the puzzle for myself, when I chose to walk all the way to school and all the way back in the daylight that I understood where I was. It was when I realized that this is where the party was last night that I began to piece together the path we had taken the night before. It was when I remembered little bits and pieces that I understood my surroundings.

I never got hopelessly lost. I always kept my head on straight enough to find familiarity. If nothing else, hop on the nearest U-Bahn and take it to Kröpcke. From there, I know how to get home.

Poor LauraLee... such was not the case for her...

The Wisdom of Martin Buber

I decided to learn a little more about Martin Buber. His writing is more difficult to understand than I care to grasp at this point, but I found a couple of quotes worth keeping and responding to.

"I write [books] as a snake sheds its skins, because I must. But they are not the most important part of my life."
-Martin Buber

I thought this was an incredibly beautiful way to consider writing. Most writers write from their experiences, but it seems that it would be impossible to spend so much time writing if you were always out experiencing something. Buber's statement essentially says, what I write is very much a part of who I am; I have to discard these thoughts; I don't wish to drag them along with me as I grow past them. How cool! Writing, then, is a necessity, directly out of the overflow of a life being lived. Though not much of a writer myself, I too find that there is nothing significant to write about if I have not lately experienced anything of significance.

"I knew nothing of books when I came forth from the womb of my mother, and I shall die without books, with another human hand in my own. I do, indeed, close my door at times and surrender myself to a book, but only because I can open the door again and see a human being looking at me."
-Martin Buber

I spend far too much time reading. I think it is the consequence of being a good student, but I am probably wrong. It may be the consequence of being afraid. Too afraid of doing. Too afraid of experiencing. But I am curious. I want to learn. I learn from books. I don't always have the time, opportunities, or resources to do the things I wish I could. So I read.

But Martin Buber is absolutely right. I will not die with a book in hand (I hope); I will die with another human hand in mine. You do not get life from a book. You get life from living, from doing. Yes, there is value to be found in books, but they are not alive. The shift from book to human as through conversation or a simple change of setting is so much more life-giving than reading something and letting that be that. What a tragic end.

My boyfriend recently got onto me about reading. He wants more of me and less of me with my nose in a book. I feel like that is what I have to do at this point in my life, and that is sad. It is pitiful. My heart's desire is not to sit and read all the time, although I do enjoy it. I want to get out and live. I want to explore the world. Get dirty. Take risks. I just have to learn to put books down. Some things can only be learned by doing.

ich-Sie, ich-du, ich-is, ich-das

At the mention of the I-It versus the I-Thou relationships presented by Martin Buber, I became more curious about this man's philosophy. Being a native speaker of German, it is easier to conceive those types of relationships. In German, when people are referred to as you, they use either a formal word Sie or informal du. These words can be equivalent to the out-of-practice English word Thou and modern you. The use of the formal pronoun is, in essence, a depersonalization of a person. Sie is used when talking to a person you are not familiar with, such a professor, a waiter, or a sales clerk. Du is used with friends and family and other informal relationships. Du is for the people you know.

I began to consider this even further, contemplating German articles der, die, and das (masculine, feminine, and neuter). The various use of these definitive articles for each individual noun is confusing to a non-Native. It takes a lot of practice. I imagine I will never get it straight. I also choose not to worry about it too much, because to me, everything just gets the label the. Might there be cultural reasons for the gender of each article? Das Computer, die Banane, der Apfel. How much work would it take to compile a list and analyze the cultural etymology of a good sampling of words? How do German gender roles function? What correlations can be made between definitive articles and the function (or perceived function) of the associated noun in German society?

And what about nature? What about human relationships with the outside world? How many words in reference to natural things are neutral (das)? My supposition is that most neuter words are those of foreign origin and those that refer to technological things; in essence, things that are not personal to Germans. Things they don't have relationships with, or possibly even want to keep their distance from.

No More 3x5's

Ever since I got a camera in the eighth grade, I have carried one with me at all times. Every year I create a calendar using my own pictures that includes friends, family, and experiences. This is something I value. But without fail, I go through cycles of wanting to photograph things and wanting to experience things. Living behind a camera changes things. I now hate it when people designate me as an even photographer. What they're really doing is pushing me to the background. I come to a point where I realize I'm not actually experiencing things any more. I have had a hard time remembering events unless I have a photo of them. Sometimes this comes in handy when I need to refer to a timeline - I don't have to look back through calendars, I just have to look through my Pictures folder.

In Nabhan's A Child's Sense of Wildness, I saw my habits confronted. Thankfully, this was a trend I was already aware of. Think back through the pictures you have? Which ones do you want to look at the most? The small picture of a big mountain or the big picture of a small butterfly? I know I tend to skip over landscape pictures for the most part. And I really skip over pictures of buildings and monuments. I want to see detail. I want to see life. Those are the things that are exciting. But it's so hard to train yourself not to be distracted by the beauty of being surrounded by a snow-covered world and think, wow, I need to take a picture of that! Landscapes and things of that sort are easier to envision in your mind's eye. Close-up details can become even more vivid when you have a good photograph of them.

I hope it's clear that I don't think there's a thing in the world wrong with taking pictures. Photography is a beautiful thing. But it takes close personal moderation to keep an enjoyment of photographs from invading your ability to live your life. Children are much better at just doing than I and most other adults are. We want to capture the romantic moments that we find in a sunset. But really, those moments are so much better left to our memories and experiences.

Why take a picture of a monument? How many millions of people have taken that very same photograph? It really does come down to a personal collection. It's another box to check off. But what about that butterfly? How many people have ever even looked that closely at a butterfly? This one has a story.

I was leaving the doctor's office and my boyfriend found it on the ground. It was alive but not moving. Perhaps it was upside-down? He picked it up to try to help it get going again, but for some reason it couldn't. Its colors were so vivid, its body so weak. We kept it with us in the car as we drove home and it made a few movements but was never able to fly. Having it in the car felt simply wrong. Butterflies are made to fly. They are made to bring beauty to the air. They are meant to pollinate flowers. When we got home, we of course took it back outside. I took a photo of it upon my sister's bright red car for contrast, but that photo just makes me uncomfortable. A butterfly should never be on a car. Then I put it on the grass. The grass wasn't in the best condition, but that is much closer to where the butterfly should be. And that has become my most recent favorite photograph.